March 2nd 2013, the day I started this blog. If you had told me then that a year later I would be PUPO via another woman’s eggs, I would have screamed in horror.
March 3rd 2014, a year and a day later, I have finished reading my 195 posts. I started at the beginning and chose a combination of favourite posts, ones I think deserved a comment but didn’t get any, and ones that I thought would be most helpful to others in their respective journeys.
I’ve done my best to whittle down the list, but one thing’s for certain: I have been through a lot and I have learned a lot. It’s rather empowering to see how far I’ve come. I’m in a much better place than I was a year ago!
Wherever you are in your journey, I hope that you find a new post that resonates with you or that you enjoy reading an old favourite.
Thank you, as always, for walking alongside me.
Much love,
Lauren (and Three & Four) xx
♥ Mizuko Bean
♥ Miscarriage
♥ Spirituality
♥ Learning
♥ Mindfulness
♥ Medical Procedures
♥ Miscarriage Grief
♥ Healing After Miscarriage
♥ Reproductive Story
♥ TTC After Loss
♥ Infertility
♥ Donor Eggs
♥ DEIVF Cycle
♥ Looking towards the Future
Mizuko Bean
♥ Mizuko Kuyo – a private burial and ceremony
♥ Dear Little Mizuko Bean – a letter to my baby, an edited version of which will be include in the Three Minus One anthology, published in May. You can pre-order the book here.
♥ Undue Date: October 5th 2013 – learning to live with what is and what is not
♥ Miscarriage and Infertility Video Project – a song for my Bean to tell the tale of our story so far
♥ The Last Domino Played was the First to Fall – creating a memory box
Miscarriage
♥ Miscarriage of Justice – what it feels like to miscarry
♥ Gratitude – the things I was grateful for in the wake of my miscarriage
♥ Miscarriage: Ten Things Not to Say, and Ten Suggestions for What You Can Do to Help
Spirituality
♥ Finding Jizo, Part 2 – how discovering Jizo, the Buddhist protector of unborn babies, put me on the path to healing
♥ Ghosts – a trip to the desert
♥ Butterfly – overcoming fears
♥ Mantras – wise words to ease the burden
♥ Revolution – when I stopped fighting my grief, a message came
♥ Give & Take: The Rhythm of Acceptance – a Buddhist book, a new friend reaches out, and about to hit rock bottom
Learning
♥ Introspection – who am I and what can I learn from my miscarriage?
♥ International Bereaved Mothers Day – what does it mean to be a mother?
Mindfulness
♥ Saying Goodbye – processing the news
♥ Mindfulness After Pregnancy Loss – how being aware of my feelings helps me work through grief
♥ Finding the Silver Lining – you can look at things two ways…
♥ (S)mothered with Anxiety – learning how to respond, not react, to strangers’ comments
Medical Procedures
♥ D&C (dilation and curettage) – surgery to remove what’s left of my pregnancy
♥ Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About an HSG – yes, it really is as painful as they say it is
♥ DEIVF Transfer – whether IVF with your own eggs or another woman’s, here’s what you need to know
Miscarriage Grief
♥ Living on the Edge of Panic – averting a panic attack
♥ Grief Reaction – a raw account of what grief feels like
♥ …One Step Back – waiting in The Waiting Room
♥ Mourning Sickness – singing the blues, two months after my miscarriage
♥ The Apocalypse – my grief finds its voice
Healing After Miscarriage
♥ The Salve that Heals the Wound – learning to live with the pain
♥ Epiphany – I choose life
♥ Wings and a Prayer – meeting my niece for the first time
Reproductive Story
♥ Tick Tock – why we waited to have a family — not that it would matter when we started trying…
TTC After Loss
♥ Watching and Waiting – back in That Waiting Room, now with questions
Infertility
♥ We’re Fucked – a shocking diagnosis and the day I hit absolute rock bottom
♥ Crossroads and Superstition – learning to trust in the process
♥ Battening Down the Hatches – meeting an RE for the first time as my grandmother lay dying
♥ Questions for God – because, dammit, I want answers
♥ The Ugliness of Grief – even in cycle with a donor, there is still grief to process
Donor Eggs
♥ Falling Into the Smallest Statistic of All – learning I have a structurally unstable chromosome
♥ London, and What Happens Next – family, funeral, friendships, and donor eggs
♥ Two People – my eggs or another woman’s?
♥ Coming to Terms with the Idea of Using an Egg Donor – title says it all
♥ Dripping with Sarcasm – the lowest form of wit
♥ Today Was an Awesome Day. Really! – I will soon be a published writer and we have a fabulous donor!!!
♥ Letting Go of the Genetic Child – it’s hard, but I can do it
♥ Skeletons – Genetic Fail: Fertile but Fucked
♥ Mitochondrial DNA – coming to terms with the fact that my children won’t share my beloved great-grandmother’s genes
♥ Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was a Freak Like Me? – struggling a bit
♥ Full Steam Ahead – the DEIVF protocol begins with a mock cycle
♥ Suffocating – the final bout of rage before finding peace with using donor eggs
♥ Flags of a Different Colour – embracing my family-building choice
♥ Marathon – after my niece’s baptism, a PVED meeting — hello, tribe members!
♥ Keep Lauren Happy Month (#KLaHM) – pampering myself, but hearing from our donor for the first time was the best treat of all
♥ DEIVF Resources – a good place to start if you’d like to learn more about donor egg IVF
DEIVF Cycle
♥ Reconceiving Bean: How I am Mentally and Physically Preparing for DEIVF – when you’re syncing with your donor, here are things you can focus on doing
♥ Follies – a spot of in-cycle humour
♥ After Upheaval, Retrieval! – getting the green light for egg collection
♥ Embryos! – we have almost as many embies as we were expecting total eggs
♥ Superstition – good luck charms to carry me through the days from retrieval to transfer
Looking towards the Future
♥ From Then to Maternity – a retrospective poem
♥ The Grand Canyon – if I can get through this, I can do anything
♥ Mitigating Shame – yes, there’s shame, but the future looks bright
♥ PUPO – these babies are MINE!
So happy for you. I didn’t know what DEIVF was, so I’m glad I came here and found out. I subscribed so I can keep up with your journey. xo
This is incredibly helpful. Thank you! And happy birthday to your blog!
Thanks, Hope! I’m glad it’s helpful to someone other than me. :)
Happy blogoversary! I just celebrated mine, too- on February 27th. I love going back and reading those early posts- so much water under the bridge in one year. When I have more time, I’m going to come back and read your favourites. It’s always interesting to look back. :)
Thanks — and same to you too! How cool we started our blog within days of each other! What are some of your favourite posts (that you’ve written)?