I wish I had an established career where I can be creative and be rewarded for my talents.
I wish I earned enough to live on, pay my bills, go out at the weekend, and put some away each month.
I wish I had my own private space where I could scream sometimes if I wanted to, or soothe myself with my piano and paints.
I wish I had a circle of friends to meet up with.
I wish I had a group of girlfriends to swoop in and take me out.
I wish I had a group of boyfriends to clink beers and exchange bawdy jokes with.
I wish I had had more support from some of the people who I thought loved and knew me best.
I wish I were more self-reliant so I wouldn’t have been so disappointed by those people.
I wish I had never shared this blog on Facebook.
I wish I’d known about testing for TSH levels in early pregnancy so I’d maybe have a 20-week Bean growing beautifully inside me.
I wish I’d had my period by now because I was hoping to be TTC again by now.
I wish I wasn’t filled with dread at seeing my now heavily pregnant SIL for the first time since my miscarriage.
I wish I didn’t need to avoid her.
I wish I could stop counting how many weeks pregnant I would have been.
I wish I could be take comfort and delight in other people’s pregnancies.
I wish things had turned out differently.
I’m glad I know I am on the right career path.
I’m glad that I have the small income I do earn.
I’m glad for the space I have.
I’m glad for the IRL friends I have who do listen.
I’m glad for my online girlfriends who sadly know all too well what I’m going through.
I’m glad for the kind and loving man I’m proud to call my husband.
I’m glad that I am sensitive and self-aware enough that I can learn to attend to my needs.
I’m glad to have discovered that my step-sister is a good friend and ally.
I’m glad that I learned about my Facebook friends’ pregnancy losses because they made me feel less like a freak.
I’m glad that I know about my thyroid after just one miscarriage.
I’m glad my SIL’s pregnancy is going well.
I’m glad holding a friend’s baby this past weekend brought me joy, not sorrow.
I’m glad that I can try to work on accepting the other things.
I’m glad that I am learning valuable life lessons from this experience.
I’m glad that I don’t have to fake being happy when I’m not.