Today I was 6dp6dt.
I say ‘was’, because I can now say Today I am pregnant.
A couple of days after transfer, my friend, E, commented on how much bigger my boobs were. Right?? I acknowledged. The next day DH returned from a two-day business trip and I flashed him. What do you think? His response was a drawn out Oh my Gaaad! He agreed there was a heaviness and a puffiness to my breasts.
I thought I’d *maybe* gone up a cup size, so I measured them this morning. I was a large 34B… and now I am a 34D. I’ve gone up almost two cup sizes in four days. I feel like I’m wearing a Wonderbra. No wonder [bra]!
And then there was the frequent hunger — anyone who knows me knows, although I have a healthy appetite I am never hungry first thing, but I’ve been starving at breakfast the past few days.
Progesterone may explain the cramping, but not the stretching, tugging feelings in my uterus. Progesterone could explain the breast tenderness I’ve had, but not the growth spurt. And it is more inclined to make someone nauseated than ravenous.
My friend, L (almost full-term with her IVF baby — yay!), suggested I wait until Wednesday to Pee On A Stick (POAS). It helps break the waiting game into manageable chunks of time, she explained. I was totally on board — until this evening.
I’d just Skyped my best friend, A, and drank two cups of rooibos Earl Grey tea. By the time I hung up, I was desperate to pee. I emptied my bladder and settled down on my bed with my iPad and a third cup of tea, brought to me by DH. He said You have a big smile on your face like you know you’re pregnant! I said I thought I was and that I was this close to doing a pregnancy test. He said, Let’s do it! and I said, Okay!
I reasoned to myself that a negative would be okay. It’s still early. I just peed 20 minutes ago. My pee was clear then and it would be clear again. If it did contain hCG, it might not contain enough to trigger a pregnancy test. There’s always tomorrow. I held my FRER in a cup and within 15 seconds a second line appeared.
I’m pregnant. The words sounded happier than they did the first time I ever spoke them, but less surprised. DH looked so happy and relieved, but kept asking Are you sure? That second line isn’t as dark as that other line. What IS that other line? I explained to him that a second line is a positive, no matter how faint. I had to show him photos online to prove it to him.
I guess I am 3w5d. I’ll be taking this pregnancy one day at a time. My beta is on Monday, and I hope it’s a good, strong number. Then there’s the first ultrasound where we will hopefully see at least one heartbeat. The final hurdle, perhaps the point at which I can relax a little, will be passing 8w3d, and passing an ultrasound with flying colours at my OB’s clinic. I am enjoying every moment so far that I can say I’m pregnant. I am so grateful to Nellie. NELLIE, I LOVE YOU!!!!!
A year ago today, I took my first dose of Misoprostol — Four little tablets that I pushed towards my cervix to ripen it and start the process my body couldn’t. If you had told me the next time I would be pregnant — for real — would be exactly a year later, I would have lain down in despair and never gotten up. A year later, I am wiser. I know a BFP doesn’t guarantee a baby. I know a BFP can be a huge grief trigger for women in the ALI community. This evening, I am aware of all these things, but I am ecstatic, nervous, and, above all, so very grateful to be able to say that today I am pregnant.