I’m halfway through Keep Lauren Happy Month (aka #KLaHM — although I am officially on a Twitter hiatus for the near future) and so far so good. What am I saying? So far, so very good! I’ve been quite good at setting work boundaries and making time to do nice things for myself. I’ve found by having a treat or…
Read More
T-Minus 2 Weeks
Since my baseline appointment last Tuesday, time has been passing more quickly. My days are spent scrambling to finish up various work projects before transfer, and I drew a calendar on my glass whiteboard to cross off the days. My weeks, I realise, are punctuated every few days by an estradiol injection, a new Circle + Bloom meditation, an ultrasound…
Read More
(S)mothered with Anxiety
My BFF and I got our nails done earlier this week. As part of #KLaHM (Keep Lauren Happy Month — less than 3 weeks left!), I treated myself to a mani-pedi. I’ve been avoiding nail polish for months now, but compromised by having my fingernails buffed to a high shine, and made sure my toenail polish was DBP-, toluene-, and…
Read More
T-Minus 3 Weeks
I’ve been on Lupron now for 10 days. The first injection was a little nerve-wracking, but by the fourth day, DH remarked at how much more confident I am. Gotta love adaptive intelligence! I have a cluster of tiny red dots, like a Strawberry Shortcake doll’s freckles, on either side of my belly button. I came off birth control pills…
Read More
The Last Domino Played Was the First to Fall
It’s Saturday. Not since October 5th have I sighed in such a way. Each Saturday brought with it a smarting reminder of how far along I would have been. One year ago today was my first Saturday, when I got my first and only BFP. A final domino placed at the beginning of a line of dominoes that had been…
Read More
Statistically Speaking… Well, What Do You Think About These Numbers?
This time a year ago, I was pregnant and didn’t know it yet. A year later, I am neither a mother to a 4-month-old nor am I pregnant again. It hurts. I know, I know, my chance is just around the corner. But it’s just a chance — and fear courses through my veins. I don’t know if this will…
Read More
Dear Nellie
Well, three days ago I wrote an email to Nellie. Judging from my heart-is-pounding tweets, it took me seven minutes to pluck up the courage to hit Send. Here’s what I wrote: Dear lovely [Nellie], Hello!! This is Lauren, the woman you are helping to have a baby. My husband, [DH], and I are so happy that you are open…
Read More
The First Prick is the Deepest
This is the face of someone who just did her first ever Lupron shot. YEH, BITCHES! I lost my IF virginity at 8.30 this morning!! For those of you who nervously await the day you pop your injectable cherries, after the hand-washing, the ins and outs went a little something like this: Tie pyjama top in fashionable 80’s knot. Pop…
Read More
Protected: Today’s a Date I’ll Remember
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Marathon
At 7:30 on Sunday morning, I hauled myself up and got ready for my niece’s baptism at 10am. I was alright on the 45-minute drive to the church. But as soon as I squeezed into the spot that had been saved for us, sandwiched between DH’s parents, I began to feel terrible. In the pew in front of me was…
Read More
