Today was the lowest day yet. For a long time, I couldn’t get out of bed, even if I wanted to. What for?
I closed my eyes again and saw myself standing on a beach.
I am looking out at the waves that have been receding over the past three weeks. Without warning, the full force of the water hits me. I tumble and spin with all the other pebbles, helpless in the surge, swept along in the current. I don’t want to drown, but I’m not sure how good a swimmer I am. I know not to struggle against a current but let it take you where it will; swim parallel to the shore until you reach calmer waters and let yourself be washed up.
I lay there until I began to cry.
Ah, those tears. Boarded up by retreating physical pain, they seep through the cracks. When the pain goes and the ocean settles, the dam will break.
Words cannot express how my heart feels for you. I encourage you to continue pouring your pain and your joys into this blog. Though your posts may be raw to some, to others, they are an accurate reflection of the feelings many couples have post-miscarriage. Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey.
Thank you, Camille, that means a lot. And thank you for being brave enough to share yours!
Just checking in on you. I think about you daily. Still praying for you and your hubby & family and wishing so badly there was more I could say or do. Keep blogging, dearest. You are brave even if you don’t feel it.
Thank you, Kathi. I’m really touched by your prayers and kindness. See you back in class soon!
What a beautifully written post. I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about the Buddhist teaching to sit with the pain and discomfort in order to experience it fully. I feel like you are experiencing the world right now with your eyes wide, wide open to the daggers and dull knives of sadness and loss. Wish I could come out in my dory boat and get you out of the tide.
Thank you, friend. Yes, there is wisdom in Buddhism and I do find it comforting. I’m just trying to deal with it and acknowledge it without pushing it away. Some days are easier than others. Luckily for me, I have a good support network. Thank you for being part of it xxxxxxxxx