…my outburst the other night, truthful though it was, may have been premature.
Incredibly, I’ve received many messages of support and understanding. Though I may have driven some away by my harsh words, I am more surprised by the number of women who have said I get it. I respect your decision. But I hope you’ll come back.
Yesterday, I thought about all your words, your unflinching kindness. Thank you so much, lovely ladies. You made me think, why can’t OFT have a happy ending? Maybe it won’t be the happy ending I hoped for (no little girl grows up dreaming of doing IVF with donor eggs) but maybe there can be some happiness. I am still wobbly, still reeling. But today I understand that I need this online community. Life is lonely enough without further isolating myself and pushing people away.
Yesterday afternoon, I was seriously considering chalking up my last post to a grief-induced outburst and timidly returning to this community–though perhaps not as often as before. My life is already consumed with infertility, it’s good to have time out doing other things.
By evening, I had made my resolve. To my astonishment, I had more proof that life goes on: my peace lily, whose earth carries traces of my Bean, had finally flowered.