Monday brought the physical signs of ovulation, including a temperature dip, insatiable thirst, increased libido, decreased appetite, nausea, mittelschmirtz, and the customary watery cervical fluid.
Tuesday’s temp was up 0.44º and all other symptoms — including CF — had vanished, so I was pretty sure I ovulated the day before.
Wednesday brought a surprise: my temperature dropped to 97.14, the lowest it’s been all cycle. It threw me into a small panic because if I’d got my O day wrong, that meant all the BDing could be way off too. I started searching for a “post-ovulation temperature dip” which yielded information about the coveted implantation dip, or triphasic patterns. I couldn’t find anything about a temperature dip on 2DPO, so I turned to Twitter. I’m so glad I did!
The lovely Josey gave me an excellent link which improved my TTC vocabulary: fallback thermal shift. This corroborates what I feel to be true — that I ovulated Monday, which would up the chances of conceiving this month. I guess it’s too soon to tell — tomorrow or Saturday’s temperature/s will confirm either way — but I am so relieved to learn that one’s temperature can fall at 2DPO and it doesn’t mean anything either way.
And my boobs, usually not tender or even erogenous in the slightest, are sore today. The only time that has ever happened was when I was pregnant. I’m cautiously optimistic that I might be pregnant again — but I’m not getting my hopes up.
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I’ve been in a better mood this week. A lot of grief left my system last week, so I’m feeling a bit more normal. (I want to post more often when I’m feeling good!) I’m better at pushing away fears and worries with a firm but gentle Is this thought helpful right now? It was P-SIL’s birthday on Tuesday. I felt so normal that I probably could have gone to dinner with her — but, as I said to DH, why spoil my good mood with a potential (and known!) trigger? I’d rather stay at home and enjoy feeling like me while it lasts. I’m cautiously optimistic that I might be able to visit P-SIL in the hospital when her time comes — but I reserve the right to change my mind.
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On Tuesday, I briefly cried in therapy. I told my lovely therapist, M., that I feel like I’ve lost so much. Not just my tiny baby, but also my innocence, my faith in my body, and trusting I will be able to conceive and carry to term. I’m reluctant to visit my mom in Spain because if I go without DH around the time of ovulation, then that’s a missed opportunity. I’ve lost spontaneity. I’ve missed out on new friendships. I’ve lost part of myself and it’s really hard to go back to the time when I didn’t have to think about miscarrying and grief triggers, and how to avoid them. M. reminded me that I am more than just a person who ovulates. And I am thankful that I, in fact, ovulate. There are so many women who don’t. I keep reminding myself of what I said to someone on Twitter the other day: Miscarriage has shaped me, but it doesn’t define me. I’m cautiously optimistic that I can keep remembering that.
I’m glad I was able to help! I’m one of those non-ovulaters you mentioned (gah) and when we first started TTC and I was wasting hundreds of dollars on HPTs because I was “late” — my Mom finally told me about BBT charting and temping (which she had done back in the 80s!), and WOW did it make a difference for me. TCYOF changed my life and taught me a LOT about my body. I firmly believe that every girl should be given a copy of that book with her first period. It’s sort of astounding to me how much really educated, informed women DON’T know about their bodies — whether they are trying to conceive or not. I also believe it would prevent a lot of UNintended pregnancies if women knew about EWCM and that not all people ovulate on CD14.
At any rate, that’s a tangent. :) But I’m glad it looks like you O’d, and I hope you totally don’t need the OPKs I’m sending!
Another random thought on temp drop – my acupuncturist had a good point that you should take note if you have a night that you’re congested and stuffed up and sleeping with your mouth open in a cold room. I never thought about / realized that could affect my BBT upon wake up (duh, my mouth was open). I had a few cycles with crazy erratic temps – and we finally figured out I had been intermittently sick and mouth breathing at night (instead of nose) and it was screwing with my temps. I actually switched to taking my temp vaginally for awhile b/c of it and that fixed the problem!
Josey, you BBT guru, you! Have you written about your BBT wisdom at all? I know it’s the farthest thing from your mind right now, but I think you have such good information at your fingertips. I’m always so grateful when you chime in with your wisdom, I’m sure a lot of women, especially noob BBTers, would love to read about your experience. xx
I am going to be cautiously optimistic with you. And hope that very soon you will have some very good news to share. In the meantime keep healing. It is the hardest thing, and even when you find out you are pregnant again you might feel a bit like you are betraying that first baby. This is who i’ve felt. So heal, and feel better and learn to be spontaneous again. Hugs to you.
Wise. Words. Indeed. (I appreciate the heads up!)
I often find that it is the harder, more painful stuff that prompts me to post…when I’m feeling in one of my better moods, I have less compulsion. Post whenever and whatever you need to, but either way I’m glad you’re feeling in a good place right now and managing to find some reasons to hope; hang onto that feeling my friend!
Oh, you too?!?! Isn’t it funny how we’re moved to create something when we’re down? Like the quintessential tortured artist, we are compelled to create something when we’re down. When we’re up, I think we must be too busy enjoying all that life has to offer!