When I’m sleep-deprived, it’s because my daughter wants to nursenursenursenursenurse every two hours at night. So my adrenaline spikes and I can’t fall asleep my anxiety increases I have no energy I lose patience I have shouted then I cry and f u c k i n g hate myself 💔 When I’m sleep-deprived, (which is all the time but…
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Surrendering
Before giving birth to me, my mother was pregnant with another baby. She had a miscarriage, and that person wasn’t born. When I was young I used to ask the question: was that my brother or was that me? Who was trying to manifest at that time? If a baby has been lost it means that conditions were not enough…
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Rainbows & Unicorns is Growing!
If a ‘rainbow’ is a baby born after loss, then a ‘unicorn’ is a baby born after infertility. One of my many side projects is helping to grow a supportive community for parents who have experienced a reproductive trauma. I have fabulous colleagues who run the Rainbows & Unicorns blog with me, and today we launched the RainCorns Tribe* Facebook…
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Why Do I Talk About My Infertility?
I probably make a lot of people cringe on Facebook. Judging by how few Likes I get, much less actual comments, on posts I share or write about infertility, particularly egg donation, it seems most people just don’t know what to say. So they do the worst thing possible: they say nothing. It’s not like I clutter my timeline with…
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Protected: Aftershocks
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Who Are Our Children?
Over the past year or so, a number of people have reminded me that their kid looks nothing like them either. I know this is meant well, so it has never upset me. But it’s never quite been the comfort that the person intended it to be either. I’ve thought about this for a long time and have figured out…
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One Year
Whoops. I’m late in writing this… V turned a year old almost five weeks ago. The older she gets, the less time I have. She is crawling up a storm, and is beginning to walk. And when I say ‘walk’ I mean she lurches around like a little drunk. At her 12-month checkup, she was slightly behind for walking, but…
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Rainbows & Unicorns: Light of My Life
My latest post on parenting after loss and infertility was published today on the Rainbows & Unicorns blog. One of the strangest things about being a parent after reproductive trauma is adjusting to a new space–time continuum. When you’re in the thick of pregnancy loss and infertility, time slows down to a dense fog occasionally pierced by glowing ultrasounds, gleaming…
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A Dwindling Milk Supply
I am sad. My belly fat, ever my gauge for my milk reserves, is disappearing. My appetite is decreasing. My breasts no longer tingle at regular intervals, don’t feel full after a few hours, and they have stopped leaking on the not-yet-suckled side. This can only mean one thing: my trusty milk supply is dwindling. A combination of factors has…
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Flying Solo Across the Atlantic with a Baby
I don’t know when, but at some point around my late twenties, I decided I knew I would be ready to have kids when I was prepared to fly across the Atlantic with a baby on my lap. Although I reached that litmus test point a few years ago, it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I actually did…
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