I just sent out the latest issue of The Trying Times, after a 7-month hiatus. Life with twins has been an insane journey so far, but I hope to resume regular programming! What was the catalyst for my return? I wish I could say it were finding my groove + decent stretches of sleep, but no. It’s the abortion issue.
Here in the US, most people think abortion should be legal in all or most cases. (Source: Pew Research Center). So why the f*ck are politicians messing around with our reproductive rights?
For the record, I’m very much infertile. And though it might seem to be at odds with my experience, I’m also very much pro-choice. I’ve never had an abortion (in this instance, inducing medical abortion for a missed miscarriage does not count). I probably would never choose abortion for myself, but access to safe abortion is something I feel strongly about. I realize I’ve felt this way for a long time.
In 1999, while a student in London, I worked part-time in a sexual health clinic. Under the UK’s 1967 Abortion Act, before an abortion can be performed, two separate doctors must confirm that 1) the pregnancy is less than 24 weeks along; and, 2) that continuing the pregnancy would be a greater risk to the woman or the fetus than terminating the pregnancy. Our clinic served as the first doctor. Once our doctor had confirmed the pregnancy, my role was to book the second doctor appointment—at the end of which the abortion would be performed. In other words, our clinic was the first step for someone seeking to terminate their pregnancy.
There are two women whose stories I remember vividly. One was a Brazilian teenager who feared her father’s wrath if he found out she’d had sex with her boyfriend. She was a skinny 17-year-old who told me about her father’s fists and leather belt at the slightest provocation. She begged me for a next-day appointment in broken English, and when I said it would have to be the following week I felt her terror rise up and brush against my skin. The language barrier made the process all the more bewildering for her. She wanted to become unpregnant as soon as possible because she was supposed to meet her father to travel to Paris a few days later. I can’t remember the plan we hatched to accommodate the abortion one week hence, only that I fudged a doctor’s letter for Eurostar so she could rebook her ticket without forfeiting her fare and alerting her father to her wishes. When she hugged me goodbye, she shook with relief.
The other woman was a white, middle-class mum of four. She stumbled out of the exam room, trying to keep it together. As she approached my desk, she collapsed into my arms, sobbing. A fifth child just wasn’t financially possible. Things were already stretched with four kids. They only planned to have two. She gabbled her excuses, fearing judgment. Or maybe it was forgiveness. I distinctly remember thinking I wasn’t qualified to offer any wisdom—I had neither professional training nor experience to recommend me—but I grabbed her hand and told her she was doing the right thing. I figured a mother of four who was clearly upset about her decision had obviously given it a lot of thought.
Back in 1999, I had a glimpse into medical decisions entered into by patient and provider. It was an honor to do right by these women at what was clearly a vulnerable chapter of their lives. It seemed to me then as it does now that abortion is healthcare. We should not legislate what a person with a uterus can and can not do with their body. And such decisions should not be decided by (now emerging, hypocritical!) white men who have little or no grasp on basic biology and basic human rights. Medical decisions should remain between a person and their healthcare provider.
In the latest TTT issue, there are links to articles that demonstrate the need for safe access to abortion, alongside analysis, resources, and ways to get involved. You can read it here and sign up for future TTT issues here.
And if, like me, you’re part of a group that people assume would automatically be pro-life, you can download any of the following images to use across social media. (Attribution is appreciated: if you’d like to give me a shout-out, please link back to bit.ly/OFT-abortion.)
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I can’t believe we’re still fighting this shit.
thank you. I am old. I have known women who died in high school from botched abortion. I have known women who spent 3 weeks waiting for ‘natural labor’ to commence when the much desired baby quit moving at the end of the 7th month. I have known women who had a pregnancy where there was massive abnormality (no skull developed). I have read of 9 year old girls who became pregnant in horrific situations. I have known a doula who helped 13 year old children birth incest conceived babies. I knew women who survived ectopic pregnancy by pure luck. When is a situation life threatening to a mother? There is no legal standard even proposed. AND, I have been and known other unexposed to sperm women who normally had 54 or 60 days between periods, I even knew a woman who normally had 1 or 2 periods in a year because she naturally did not ovulate or have regular menstrual cycles; getting pregnant when married and wanting a baby was Extremely difficult because it was prior to today’s infertility knowledge. Keep laws off my body. You do not mandate a man to donate bone marrow against his wishes; do not mandate an unwanted child. AND, if lawmakers REALLY cared about LIFE they would care about the lives of women and children born into poverty and unequal opportunity for education and employment. IF they were Christians who followed the teachings they would feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless, heal the sick……
Thank you. (In case you missed it, I am enraged.)
You are badass, Rose!! I love your anger. Thank you for expressing it <3