I should have been 12 weeks’ pregnant today.
I should have been getting ready to share our good news.
I should have been starting to show a little.
I should have been celebrating instead of feeling so empty.
Instead I see
t w e l v e w e e k s
the faint trace of vigorously erased words in today’s diary entry.
Instead I hear
t h e c r a c k i n g
of my heart breaking all over again.
Instead I feel
t h e c r u s h i n g s e n s e o f l o s s
that bends my bones
l i t t l e r e d c l o u d
that creeps in my chest
d e s p a i r o h t h e d e s p a i r
that is the new soundtrack to my life.
of getting to know my changing body
I am locked
in a blood-sucking embrace
with the two most disappointing words in the English language.