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I Need a New Ob/Gyn
Hot damn, it really pisses me off when doctors get all doctorly on me. Below is a message thread between me and Dr. A. When he didn’t respond within the given timeframe, I emailed him again and got a less than satisfactory response from a delegate, Dr. H. The good news? Dr. H concurs that … Read More about I Need a New Ob/Gyn
Protected: Calling All BBT and OPK Gurus!
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31 Weeks
I would have been 31 weeks today. P-SIL is coming over with the kids, and I broke down at this news. She is a trigger. Little C is a trigger. Little K is a trigger. Monday’s visit doesn’t change that. Tuesday’s news makes it worse. Good thing we were already going to the beach today. … Read More about 31 Weeks
Sink or Swim
In the early days of my short pregnancy, I started thinking about making a fun video or photo sequence to show off my growing belly. I never got very far with this plan. The progesterone-induced bloating (belly swelling, but not belly growth) and, thankfully, superstition stopped me. These days, I grieve the loss of this … Read More about Sink or Swim
The Window is Closing
I cancelled my thyroid ultrasound. After my consultation with Dr. A, clinical professor and specialist in endometriosis, I needed to go straight home. I forced myself to wait in that fucking obgyn waiting room. I allowed myself to cry. Little did I know what news I’d get next. I was diagnosed with stage ii endo … Read More about The Window is Closing
Wings And A Prayer
[Trigger warning: photo at the end of this post.] Today was the day that P-SIL became just SIL again: at 2pm in California, my niece, Little K, was born. When I got the news, she was just under an hour old. I was sitting in an Indian restaurant with a woman, also a K, who … Read More about Wings And A Prayer
Cloud Zero
And today I’m feeling sad again. I didn’t think that my grief was done with, but I am surprised it reared its ugly head again so soon. At least it’s not a major step back… There was a trigger. I saw a stop animation of a pregnancy that someone in the IF community shared on … Read More about Cloud Zero
Epiphany
I just got home from the supermarket. On my way back, I think I had an epiphany. I think I can go to the hospital and meet my niece. I mean, I reserve the right to change my mind, but I think I can do it. This afternoon I watched a very moving video about … Read More about Epiphany
Five Months On
Five months ago today I had my first ultrasound in which I saw that my Mizuko Bean had stopped growing. I have been living in pain for five months. I am the only one who feels his loss. Everyone in DH’s family is buzzing with excitement about Monday’s arrival of Bean’s cousin, the one who … Read More about Five Months On
