I have a strong, healthy, and easygoing baby and an abundance of milk. Life should be plain sailing, amiright?
But honestly, I sometimes feel quite overwhelmed.
V is almost five months old. Apparently by now she should be waking only once a night to feed. Apparently she should be napping regularly during the day.
I hate the word ‘should’. It makes me feel bad.
V is a very sweet baby. She gurgles and coos and is beginning to babble. She’s learning to suck her thumb and her favourite activity that doesn’t involve milk is standing. She’s adorable. She gets frustrated sometimes that she can’t stand and eat at the same time. She’s sociable and hilarious! Lucky me!
But…
She eats all the time. At her four-month check up, she was in the 96th percentile for weight (16 lbs 11.7 oz / 7.6 kgs) and 95th for height (25.87″ / 65.7 cm). She’s already in 9M clothing. She’s huge. At not even four months old she was already wearing nine-month-old onesies for both length and girth. I was alarmed until the lactaction consultant said that you can overfeed a breastfed baby. Clearly there is something to this epigenetic malarky.
You’d think with an abundance of milk I wouldn’t feel inadequate, but I do. I know breastmilk is more easily absorbed than formula due to the smaller protein molecules, but I am frustrated because I can’t keep her hunger at bay for more than a couple of hours day and night. I’m not sleeping well.
This is making me super-duper-with-a-stupid-cherry-on-top tired. I haven’t slept properly in almost a year now (always awoke every couple of hours during pregnancy, even during the second trimester) and I think it’s beginning to catch up with me. For a start, she won’t nap unless it’s in my arms. The oft-quoted advice “Sleep when the baby sleeps” and “It gets better” make me want to punch someone. It’s a crock of shit. I mean, come on, when the hell else are mums supposed to do a load of laundry? And how the buggering bollocks are you supposed to make dinner?
Right now she’s flutter-sucking my right boob and I’m typing 20 words a minute with one hand. She’s drowsy — apparently the best time to put her in her crib. If we stay like this, she will happily sleep for a couple of hours. The minute I try to put her in her crib her eyes fly open and she starts wailing like she’s the victim of a mean, dirty trick. If I get the timing right and do manage to sneak her in, she will awaken 20 minutes later, screaming like she doesn’t know where she is. What the hell?
So then I pick her up again and she comfort nurses. At some point in the not-too-distant future — and without warning — poop bubbles out of her diaper, dirtying yet another outfit. (I’ve tried a bunch of different disposable brands and they all leak. The one that leaks the least is Bambo, the most expensive but also the most eco-friendly disposable brand.)
Thank god I have as many hand-me-downs as I do, but the laundry pile is beginning to take on a life of its own. I cannot imagine how cloth-diapering mamas stay on top of their baby’s shit…
This motherhood gig is definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had. Most days I take things in my stride. Most days I have a lot of anxiety, the overwhelming responsibility, all the stuff no amount of reading can prepare you for. And some days I just feel close to tears because the house is a mess, there are bills to pay, I haven’t eaten in hours and it’s 10pm, I have to fold two loads of laundry and, to top it off, also change the sheets on the bed because the dog left a fucking skidmark. All while the baby sleeps in this precious window of zzz’ing opportunity.
I guess I’m doing okay for a newbie? I hope?
My babe was born 6 days ago and we are cluster feeding & pumping on the side. I barely have time to pee and sleep is not peaceful so I haven’t slept much. I feel you mama. XOXO
We’re going through some of this, as well. C wakes 3-4 times each night to eat/comfort nurse. Even after 7 months, I can’t tell if she’s actually hungry or just wants to comfort nurse, but I do know that if I spend too much time trying to figure it out, she will be TOO awake. It’s so much easier to just give her the boob right away. That whole “drowsy but awake” thing? Ha! She will have none of that! I feel your pain. Some days I do cry and others I’m able to take everything in stride. Hugs, mama – you’re doing a wonderful job!
“Should” is such a pain in the ass. I apologize–I read this when you first posted it and went to leave a comment when I saw the other comments and got lost in the world of sleep advice. There is SO MUCH INFO. I hope something helped and you’re on your way to more sleep and feeling better xoxo
Aw,I’m sorry this is hard. I don’t have any advice, because even though AJ is mostly sleeping well for now I think it’s luck, not anything particularly intelligent that we’re doing. On the days that she does fight naps and I go a little batty, I’ll let her sleep in my arms, though I do try to avoid that.
One thing that sometimes help AJ to settle when I put her in the crib: I’ll put a blanket over her and hold it down on both sides, so that she can’t poke herself in the face and wake herself up. I’ll hold it down for a minute or two and if lucky she will drift off in that time.
I think you are doing great and have a beautiful healthy baby: but sleep deprivation and a messy house and other responsibilities going by the wayside can make one feel inadequate. We’ve all been there or will be there and there is no judgment.
V sounds a lot like E.
Regarding the eating/weight… E always nursed about every 2 hours. It spaced out when she started eating solids consistently, and she’s always loved food! She was never under the 90th percentile for weight until now, and was consistently over 95th while exclusively breastfed. But guess what? She gained no more than a couple of ounces from 9 to 12 months, and is now in the 75th percentile. I think it’s just who they are. My pediatrician always said she looked great and was very healthy. And still is!
Sleep… ugh. E has never been a good sleeper, as you know, but she’s improved. We’re going through a rough patch right now, as she’s very sensitive to things (teething, gas, new milestones) in regard to how it affects her ability to sleep soundly. Earlier on, I tried the “gentle” sleep training methods and worried about nursing to sleep, putting her down asleep, etc. I become so worn out about it not working that I just said “F it” and decided to just do whatever felt right to me. I nurse her last thing before putting her down to sleep (in our bed). She only falls asleep while nursing if she’s very tired. Otherwise I hold her & rock/sing/etc until she drifts off. She sort of wakes while I put her down, but she doesn’t fight that anymore– she’s knows where she sleeps and that I’m going to put her down. In general, her wakeups became less frequent over time. No quick changes with her. I’m sure it’ll be tough to move her into her own room eventually, but I’ll take on that challenge when she’s ready or when I’m ready!
I really think all babies are different when it comes to sleep (and most other things) and there’s no way one of five (or so) different sleep training methods work with all babies. I also don’t think it’s realistic for people to think ALL babies should sleep through for 12 hours or something. Adults rarely sleep through the night, everyone requires different amounts of sleep, so why do we expect all babies to work the same?
That being said, I know what sleep deprivation feels like and how it can affect your life. I still feel it some days (like today) but I’m not personally willing to do any form of CIO with E until she can communicate with me more. Not because I think it’s wrong to do so, but because I can’t handle the feeling of guilt myself, and because I think E usually has a valid reason she’s waking. But you have to keep yourself sane, so go with your gut. You might want to punch me, but it really does get easier. :)
By the way, you’re doing a fabulous job with V.
Weird. It seems you have my baby. Lol! Seriously my daughter was just like little V. Are constantly, was in 98th percentile for weight. Would.only sleep in my arms. I didn’t get a full night’s sleep for years. I thought seriously about throat punching people who told me to sleep when the baby did. Hang in there is all I can say. My daughter is five now and I can’t pay her to sniggle on my lap most days. I’m sure you are doping great! At least V sounds like she thinks you are, which is all that is really important anyway. :)
You are doing just fine, my dear. :)
I won’t say that it gets better, because it’s not entirely the truth. It just gets different. There are, and always will be, challenges when parenting- even when our kids are grown and gone, and we are nothing but loving, trusted advisors. But the challenges evolve and change. Nothing lasts forever. Just keeping saying that to yourself over and over, because it is the absolute truth. Baby V will eventually sleep- you may have to eventually resort to letting her cry a bit (even if you swore you would never do that!), but she will sleep. And then you will be on to a new challenge.
In the meantime, my assvice (for what it’s worth) would be to do your very best to relax and enjoy this time. Because, as is true of the challenges we face as parents, the good stuff doesn’t last forever, either. What I wouldn’t give to be able to take naps with the wee woman sleeping on my chest again! I miss those days terribly. Even though those days came with a disgustingly dirty house, and meals that consisted of nothing but cheese and crackers, or- at best- thai takeout. This period will be over in the blink of an eye. I promise.
Sending you lots of love and hugs, sweetie. Parenting is TOUGH!!!
Oh and Lauren, I have the same problem with leaking diapers. People say to size up but that does nothing. I use Costco brand but still have to change out of at least one outfit a day due to leakage. Yuck!
My son is similar as well. His four-month checkup was about three weeks ago. He was 18.6 lbs and 26.25 inches – they told me that was 95th percentile. He wakes sometimes three times at night to feed, not kidding…He also LOVES standing!
Well, I think cloth diaper laundry is different b/c it’s contained in a wet bag (no smell), supposed to have poop on it, and we never had one blowout with Stella and only ONE with Harvey in cloth… so overall, perhaps less poopy laundry than you’re dealing with in a way. Gah. FWIW, once you start solids around 6m, her poop consistency changes and gets harder (more adult like, ewww) which leads to fewer blowouts for most people. How’s that for shitty light at the end of the tunnel?
Re: sleep. Sleep advice is SO controversial and fluid and what works for everyone is different, but I really really really think you need to work now on getting her to sleep not in your arms. I am 100% a nurse to sleep hold in the arms can’t spoil a baby by holding her too much parent during the 4th trimester (usually the first 3-4m of life). However, there’s a time (right now!) before she gets to the object permanence milestone when you really need to work on the transition to putting her down drowsy but awake for your sanity. Take it from a mama who did not do this, and her daughter went from 3 wakeups/night to waking every 45 minutes and needing a boob in her mouth to get back to sleep. It wasn’t pretty. Here is the post I wrote after making some major changes – maybe something in there will help you? http://mycheapversionoftherapy.com/2012/09/15/a-sleep-update/
At any rate, troublesometots.com (about to be changed to Precious Little Sleep, like her book) is HANDS DOWN the only sleep resource I’d recommend. Lots of great, non-judgemental advice that is evidence based and awesome. Read it and reread it and I guarantee you that your sleep world will change for the better. http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/ Good luck, Mama. Sleep deprivation is no joke. ((HUGS))
PS – my daughter was very similar Stats to V! Healthy & happy. ;) Once she started walking she really leaned out just like every other kid and we started to miss that chunky baby look!