Before I cycled, I was sort of freaking out on Twitter about how to tell my (hopefully) future kid that he or she came to us via the egg donor we’d just picked. It was November 2013 and you might say that’s when shit got real.
Fortune shone a light on me in that moment. Marna from Parents via Egg Donation (PVED.org) happened to be on Twitter at that time and said I was welcome to call her.
I am? I asked, incredulous that she would take the time to talk to me.
Of course! she winked.
Like, now? I double-checked.
Absolutely!
She seemed emphatic, so I dialled her number.
Marna’s advice in a sentence: Start early and do it often.
How early? Start when you’re pregnant.
Whoa. I mean, that really is early, isn’t it? But around 28 weeks, the point at which I was finally able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy, and when I knew my daughter could hear, I began.
When she was two months old, friends asked how I planned to tell her. I grinned and said, “Well, I’m working out the flow of the story, but it goes a little something like this…”
Talking About DEIVF
Trigger Warning
You can hear V making noises in this clip.
This clip is an unintentional 2 minutes and 26 seconds long. Another wink!
♥
When I called Marna, what I didn’t know at the time is that she is a mom via egg donation and founded PVED so that no other parent would have to go through the DEIVF process alone, like she did.
PVED “…was created to provide an informational and supportive environment where parents and parents-to-be can learn and share information about all facets of the egg donation process.
“Our mission is to educate, support, and empower families and individuals at any stage of the process who choose to use egg donation to build a family.”
If this post has helped you, it’s indirectly because of PVED. Please visit them online at PVED.org and consider making a donation today.
Just listened to this story, following the link from your story for V at almost 2 years old. Love the tenderness in your tone and the responses to her body language, as well as the clear evidence from her gasps and burbles that she is taking in and processing every word you say as well as your kisses and loving gaze. As a babysitter I talk constantly about how babies understand everything you say and do, and will be sending this link to parents who don’t quite believe me. It’s a stellar example of how to communicate with an infant who is pre-verbal. Love you Lauren!
“We share love, and that’s what makes you my daughter” TEARS!
Kimberly at No Good Eggs has reviewed a few children’s books about egg donation that might be of interest to you. Here’s a link to one of her posts: https://nogoodeggs.wordpress.com/2015/02/26/the-pea-that-was-me-by-kimberly-kluger-bell/
Oh. That is so, so sweet. So much love in your story!
Ahh Lauren you have the most lovely voice! V is going to get such comfort from that voice as she grows up – it is so gentle and obviously filled with love for her. I think your introduction to her origins is beautifully done and such a good idea to expose her to it from the outset x
Aah Lauren, that’s lovely! A special but simple way to tell the story. I think it’s a great idea to start as early as possible, not just so V grows up always knowing and it isn’t a surprise (plus how very much wanted she was), but also so it becomes easier and more natural for you to tell. Wonderful to hear your voice too! Xx
Thank you! I’m glad it makes sense to others too. It feels right to us. xx
I wish that recording could echo back through time to comfort you during your worst moments. It’s beautiful, hon.
Yes! I do too. There are still obstacles to clear, but we’re on the right path, and it feels GOOD. Thank you xo
I love it! You make it sound so easy! I have started trying to talk about it but it scares the crap out of me. I bought “Mommy Was Your a Tummy Big” & “A a tiny Itsie Bitsy Piece of Life” books for Easter baskets this year though. I will start there.
That’s two more books than I have!! Let me know how it goes. I felt like a bit of a lemon at first, but sometimes now I can do it without batting an eyelid. We also decided to leave out the parts about Bean and Baby B (the boy embryo that was transferred with V) because we don’t want to alarm her with talk of dead babies / babies who didn’t make it. But everything else goes, we decided. Hope that helps!