FET Accompli

The results of our February FET are in—at the bottom of this [long!] post.

Back in November, my RE handed me the reins for a future cycle. By then, we’d had five failed cycles—two were cancelled, two were straight-up BFNs, and one (my May girl) was a chemical pregnancy. In asking me what I wanted to do, my RE clearly thought I was a lost cause.

When my November cycle was cancelled, it broke me. To have built up hope after 78 days of Lupron, a chemical pregnancy, and learning that my SIL was due with a girl (who, as it turned out, was born just two days before my girl would have been delivered at 37 weeks) only to learn that I wasn’t even in the game was, honestly, more than I could take. To me, it meant that my RE was right: I had no hope of getting and staying pregnant again.

January was a hard month. I seriously considered postponing FET6 to address the anguish of almost 18 months of failed cycles, and the PTSD of having another niece the same age as a baby I lost. But I had it stuck in my head that a transfer on February 26th would work. Besides, anecdotally, I think that some people only get pregnant at certain times of the year. Aside from my chemical pregnancies, the two times I’ve been pregnant for more than 8 weeks, they’ve both happened in January or February.

I told DH that I couldn’t take much more. That four single-embryo transfers with four PGS-tested embryos was too much, but that I was willing to do one transfer, possibly two, with two embryos.

And so DH and I decided that we would transfer two embryos, a boy and a girl, on February 26th, exactly four years to the day that we transferred two embryos, a boy and a girl, that led to our daughter.

We only told his parents, my closest friends, and the loss/infertility community about our transfer. We just couldn’t face having to share yet more bad news if (more like, when!) the transfer failed.

Un[der]Medicated Protocol

I contacted the clinic and asked them to work backwards from the 2/26 date. I wanted to do an unmedicated cycle, because hormones aren’t my issue and I ovulate regularly. My RE agreed to an unmedicated cycle with a little extra help—what I came to call an un[der]medicated cycle.

I came off the pill that I had been tricycling since the Lupron, to suppress new endometriosis growth.

My period arrived February 6th, which meant we were on track for a Feb 26th transfer, and I was filled with hope that this might work out.

At my baseline, everything was quiet, but my RE added Letrozole to continue suppressing the endo.

A week later, a second ultrasound revealed fluid in my uterus. Cue, freak-out. My acupuncturist put me on Chinese herbs, and I tried a number of old wives’ tales to purge it. A few days later, there was a small gush, and I was filled with hope again.

At my third ultrasound a week later, the fluid had magically vanished, and my left ovary was the dominant ovary, meaning it would be the one to ovulate.

And then I had a hot date with the dildocam every two days for another week. My lining was hanging at a stubborn 7mm, so I suggested I be given a shot of delestrogen. I enquired about the embryology paperwork which we hadn’t been sent. November’s cancelled cycle’s paperwork was still in my file and would be used. I crossed out ‘one’ and wrote ‘two’; and then I added, ‘One of each sex’.

At my final lining check, on Monday February 19th, I was trilaminar and with an 8mm lining, which cleared me to take Ovidrel to induce ovulation 36 hours later (Wednesday). I started PIO that night.

Transfer Day

I dropped V off at her preschool. Her teachers wished us luck. I felt jaded, but strangely hopeful. Even with a semi-medicated cycle, it would still be hard to ensure FET6 happened on Feb. 26, but everything aligned.

The transfer went smoothly. I listened to Anugama’s Shamanic Dream, just like I did with my V transfer. I joked to my RE that she could probably pick out my vagina in a line up by now. I was glad she laughed.

Back in 2014, my clinic advised 25 minutes of rest after transfer, and two days of bed rest; in 2016-2017, they advised nothing; in 2018, they advised 10 minutes of rest after transfer, followed by a day of taking it easy.

I stayed in bed for two days.

I studied for a test (I’m taking an abnormal psychology class) and watched things that made me laugh. I’d read that laughter helps with implantation.

BFP

The days after transfer, I felt the stirrings of a busy uterus. Later, a pinprick, and I thought, Hello Little One. And then there was another pinprick and I knew both embryos had implanted. Just like they did with V.

I walked to class and was bothered by the deodorant and shower gel on every single person that overtook me.

Am I? Is it even possible??

With the Ovidrel (a high dose of hCG) in my system, I couldn’t have taken a home pregnancy test for at least a week without yielding a false positive. I caluclated the half life of the dose and reasoned that the hCG would have been out of my system a few days later. But I waited, wracked with anxiety. I thought I could last the full 10 days until the beta, but I caved after a week. If I find a pregnancy test in the bathroom, I’ll do it.

I found an expired Wondfo. It’s expired. That likely means it’s less sensitive, so if it’s negative, it doesn’t mean I’m not… And it’s evening pee. Whatever, I’m going to do it.

A second line appeared.

I blinked.

It was quite dark for an expired test.

I rubbed my eyes.

I looked again.

I headed to the living room where DH was reading. I sat down with a sheepish grin on my face and uttered the words I never thought I’d say again: “I’m pregnant!”

I bought a box of First Response tests the next day, just to be sure. There they were, my two pink lines. A second pair, darker than the first. Definitely not the Ovidrel.

Beta

My first beta, at 10dp6dt (equivalent to 16dpo) was 439. (My beta with V at 12dp6dt was 2,000, and she was a twin, so I wasn’t too concerned.) My RE and her assistant called me on speaker to share the news. They were as shocked as DH and I were!

A second beta, at 14dp6dt, yielded 4,074. High, but consistent with V’s second beta (4,023). I figured both had implanted, but was expecting a singleton. Just like with V.

First Ultrasound

My RE was 30 minutes late, so was very quick to get the exam started. In went the dildocam and immediately we could see—

“Holy shit!” I exclaimed.

“Holy shit is right,” murmured my RE.

“Is that what I think it is?” asked DH.

“Yes…” I could see not one, but two heartbeats.

My RE seemed unhappy. She’s quite cautious, preferring to transfer only one embryo at a time. We were all shocked. I went from being the lost cause to twins?

“I never thought—, I mean… We never expected this to work,” began DH.

“Yeah,” I interjected. “To be honest, after my cycle was cancelled in November, I sat in the car and cried for an hour before driving home. I just figured we’d do two more transfers of two—”

“—and that way we could say we’d given it our all,” finished DH.

My RE caught herself from confirming what she privately must think, and instead shook her head and said, “This job keeps you humble.”

She did say that it’s not uncommon to lose a twin in the first trimester. But I think my body is good at being pregnant once it finally gets there?

When DH and I collected ourselves, half a dozen clinic staff clapped for us. Yep, I really was that lost cause who got knocked up with twins.

Twins! It certainly explains my insatiable appetite these days.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

I’ve been asked this question a lot. My answer is a variation of:

shocked terrified hungry dazed relieved reeling happy
terrified shocked happy terrified hungry terrified shocked
terrified happy relieved dazed shocked terrified

My biggest concern is that these babies be born healthy. I’m almost 6’1″, so I have vertical room for them to grow. My Ob said a year ago that I would be considered lower risk for twins, because I’ve proven I can carry to term and never had any episodes of bleeding or contractions (I never even had a Braxton-Hicks contraction).

But with my medical history (namely, placenta previa and placenta accreta) I would have been closely monitored with a singleton in a normal pregnancy. Now I will be watched like a hawk!

And I assume with two placentas, my risk for accreta has increased, so I think it’s probably more likely than not now that I will have a caesarean-hysterectomy.

Then there’s the financial stress. So far, DH and I have gotten away with sharing a car. Now we definitely need a second one. We’ll have to move to a bigger house. We need two of everything, which, for the most part, means buying a second of an item we already have (e.g. infant car seat, crib).

But all the other stuff, I think we can figure out.

TWINS

Everything looked great yesterday. Twin A (which I’ve since learned gets the ‘A’ designation because it’s the one closest to the cervix) measured 8.1mm; and Twin B measured 7.79mm. Both have fast little heartbeats. They, a boy and a girl, are right on track. My job is to keep them that way.

I’m seven weeks today.