15 Weeks

I’m behind in my blogging. It’s a combination of lots of work mixed in with a headache or migraine every three days, which makes everything more difficult. Such days mean either my morning is a write-off, if not the whole day. I’m not sure what triggers the migraines, but my best guess is constipation compounded by sleep deprivation.

But there have been some exciting developments chez Tiny, who makes everything, even the headaches, worthwhile. Hard for me to believe, but I am 15w2d today — well into the second trimester, whichever way you calculate it — so Tiny is the size of a pear and weighs around 2.5oz (70g), like 1½ Snickers bars! My waistline has been steadily thickening, and it’s not all bloat. So much so that I was all the more excited when my friend, L, arrived from London with her newborn son in tow, and gave me a bunch of maternity tops! (Considering she packed up her life for a few months, just gave birth, and was preparing for an 11-hour flight solo with newborn, this was so unbelievably thoughtful of her!)

Last week I had my first official OB appointment. It was so short! I got answers to a few questions, and we listened to the heartbeat, and then we were on our way. I came away feeling so good about my relationship with my OB, Dr. D, though. If I knew she would definitely be the person delivering this baby, I wouldn’t be considering a midwife-led delivery, that’s how much I like and trust her.

Just a couple of days later, at exactly 14 weeks, I felt a strange sensation, like a tiny kernel of corn popping in my belly. I wondered if it might be gas, because I’ve been pretty constipated lately, but it didn’t seem to be coming from my intestines. I’ve since had quite a few sensations, like a gentle prod, but even with my slender build and posterior placenta, it seemed too early to be me detecting movement. My body has been up to all sorts of crazy-wonderful of late, so whatever it was, I wasn’t too concerned.

Until this past Thursday. By lunchtime, I’d had a stinging in my cervix three times in 24 hours, accompanied by a tightening in the left side of my vaginal wall. Kind of like when you pull up a blind and one side tightens but the other side is slack. It’s not painful, but it was uncomfortable, and a sensation I associate with period pain (thanks, endo!). The triage nurse said if the pain got worse or if there was bleeding then to go to the ER, otherwise I could be seen the next morning by K, the lovely nurse practitioner whom I saw on my birthday at my first prenatal appointment. I gladly took the appointment.

Friday morning, my MIL and I went to the clinic. K was even more chipper and friendly than I remembered. First she checked my cervix and it was closed. PHEW! And the sensations? The ones I had been concerned about are related to constipation, endometriosis, and uterine growth. And the other sensations? K said that’s definitely me feeling the baby move! Yup, even at this early stage. That put a big grin on my face!

If you remember, K loves doing ultrasounds. Oh, she came in holding a Doppler, but I don’t think she had any intention of using it. My information wasn’t entered into the ultrasound machine, but she proceeded to give me one anyway. (And before we left, she pressed a dozen prints into my hand and said to not let anyone see. I love her!) My MIL got teary-eyed seeing her latest soon-to-be grand baby squirming on the screen.

I, as usual, was transfixed. It’s only been two½ weeks since the nuchal scan, but Tiny has grown so much! We saw ribs and fingers, and long legs. Go figure! Baby takes after Mama! smiled K. I reminded her that we have a donor, but between her genes and my environment, I wasn’t too surprised either. I squealed when I saw a hiccup. We got a good look at the face, and at one point saw Tiny sucking and swallowing amniotic fluid. I was enchanted:

Tiny has no fat, which is why why the face is a scary skull at this stage, but I love looking at the pointy chin, the two hemispheres of the brain, and the stomach (the black circle towards the bottom) filled with amniotic fluid. Way to go, Tiny! Of course, I also can’t stop laughing and saying THERE’S A CREATURE PISSING INSIDE ME!

At the beginning of the ultrasound, K asked if I wanted to find out the sex of the baby. Even though DH wasn’t with me, I said yes. Tiny was scooted all the over to my right side and K spent some time jiggling the wand to get the baby to move. Finally, we had a good shot from beneath the bum, with the knees pointing outwards: K said she wasn’t 100% sure, but she thinks Tiny is a girl! She pointed out a triple line that looked more like the telltale hamburger than a hotdog. I’ve got pretty good at reading ultrasounds, and said even if the penis were lying against the belly, the area between the legs didn’t look very full, like a scrotum would be.

I would have been happy with either a boy or a girl (all we want is a healthy baby who arrives sometime in November!) but the idea of a daughter brought a smile to my face. Plus, I’ve felt all along that Tiny is a girl. DH and I already have a name picked out for a girl. It was his idea to name our daughter after my great-grandmother. Just a few weeks into the pregnancy, he said if I couldn’t pass on her genes, then I should pass on her name. I got a little choked up then, and yesterday, now pretty much knowing Tiny is a girl, we agreed on the name for real.

Things are beginning to feel very real indeed. I’m showing, I think even enough that someone who doesn’t know me can tell I’m pregnant. And I have a long-legged little girl baby with a pointy chin kicking and drinking and pissing inside me. Words cannot describe how blissful I feel. How lucky I know I am. I never thought I’d say this, but whatever hell I’ve been through, I think this tiny baby is making it all worthwhile.