The Acupuncturist

I couldn’t stop crying Monday.  My old fears of a missed miscarriage resurfaced with my body telling me I was pregnant but my mind saying, Hang on, something’s not quite right here.

Thank gawd I had an appointment with my therapist.  She reminded me that maxim, You’re not out til Aunt Flo shows but I wasn’t holding my breath.  My temperature consistently drops to 97.9 the day before my period comes.  Interestingly, she said that my tears had a different quality to them.  They felt more hormonal in her opinion (this was not said unkindly).  She encouraged me to see my acupuncturist, so I called that afternoon, a fragile and confused creature who started bawling as she began to explain: I thought I was pregnant, but I guess I’m not.

When I saw my acupuncturist, Jamie, yesterday afternoon, I was calmer.  My period had arrived, although it was lighter and less crampy than usual.  I described all these pregnancy-like symptoms (fuller breasts, hot and tingly nipples, unquenchable thirst, insatiable appetite, and a headache that didn’t go away until the eve of Aunt Flo’s arrival) and explained how for the past week it was like my body was screaming You’re pregnant! but my mind was saying firmly Don’t get your hopes up.  I said I didn’t know if my cycle had changed, or if this was psychosomatic, or if it was a chemical pregnancy.

I showed her my BBT chart. Jamie said she was in no doubt that this was a chemical pregnancy — my symptoms aligned perfectly, plus there were signs of strong ovulation in my chart, followed by the spike in temperatures all strongly suggested this.  When she felt my pulse she said it was the strongest she’s ever felt it which, to her, suggested that there had been a hormonal change in my body.

The good news in all of this, disappointing though it may be, she said, is that it means everything is working.  Sperm met the egg, and conception took place.  She emphasised just how amazing it is to have got that far.  I looked at Jamie, appreciative of this new perspective.

She made gestures with an imaginary salt and pepper shaker in each hand. The body doesn’t really know what it’s doing at first.  So it tries a bit of this [shake of the salt] and a little of that [shake of the pepper] and then it tries to figure out if that was the right amount [cocktail shaker].  It even happens when a woman is at the end of her pregnancy — her body has to figure out the formula that’s just right for her.

She went on to say how she’s seen many women who have had miscarriages and go on to have a chemical pregnancy right around the third post-miscarriage period.  After such a major hormonal shift, it’s kind of normal for things to not go quite right — the body is gearing up all over again.

But the really good news, she said, is that a lot of women experience heightened fertility right after a chemical pregnancy and are pregnant again in three months.  You might find your temperatures are slightly higher than usual (so far, yes, by about two-tenths of a degree!) which shows that you have extra hormones in your system — that’s what makes you more fertile, so definitely give it your best shot this month.

I’m hoping tomorrow’s AMH, FSH, and estradioal blood work comes back normal, fingers crossed!  Then again, they might be slightly off-kilter after a chemical pregnancy, said Jamie.

She gave me some herbs to help with dryness — I said I felt like my cervical fluid was a little scant.  When she asked if I was dry elsewhere — skin? eyes? hair? — I had to laughed and say All of the above! So I have a Yin herb to boost moisture and a Yang herb to boost my hormones and blood flow.

I’ll be honest, the skeptic in me is still playing along with this whole acupuncture business.  But I cannot deny that every time I am stuck like a human pincushion I enter a deep state of relaxation.  And yesterday — the first time I’ve been pinned on CD1 — I noticed that my cramps had disappeared afterwards, as had the inflammation spot at the back of my hip.

Most importantly, though, Jamie helped me see that although it’s disappointing, this chemical pregnancy might actually be really good news.  My body works.  I ovulate.  DH’s bits work. We are fertile.  Just because it didn’t work out last cycle doesn’t mean it won’t this one.  Or the next one.  Or the next after that.