“My Perfect Donor” was matched over the weekend to another couple who doesn’t want to share her cycle with us, even though that would mean they would share the hefty fees with us.
Fucking arseholes.
Ok, maybe there are plenty of reasons why they wouldn’t want to share, but I am too upset to speculate. Their reasons are irrelevant.
If I had come to my place of peace on Friday, maybe we would be the ones set to cycle with her in January.
The Egg Donor Coordinator has promised us that we have first dibs on her for next time. However, that is contingent on 1) her January cycle being a success, and 2) her desire to do it again. If so, her fee will increase to $7,000 and we would start cycling in March-ish. That feels like forever, after the horrific year I’ve had.
In the meantime, the Egg Donor Coordinator has promised to forward her genetic profile and psychological assessment when they become available.
Trying to stay positive, but I am so disappointed. How much lower to I have to set the bar? I miscarried my first child, have few eggs, and am a mutant freak of nature. I finally found a donor who I’m at peace with and miss her by one or two days? What the fuck?
I’m in floods of tears, shaking my fist, yet again, at god / the universe / whatever the fuck it is that seems to enjoy punishing me by taking away my hope and dangling what I want just out of reach.
Sadie says
Ah, Lauren. This just sucks on so many levels and I’m really upset for you guys. I know that right now it feels like you can’t catch a break, and you’re long past due to catch one, but I know you guys are gonna get there in the end. Something will fall into place. For now though, feel as angry as you need to and cry as much as you like. We’re here to cry with you and I am shaking an angry fist at the stupid Universe for you. Just let up already, Universe! Hugs my friend.
Catwoman73 says
Oh no!!!! That’s just a million shades of unfair. I know there’s nothing I can say to make this feel any better. It just, plain, SUCKS. Hugs, sweetie. I wish there was something more I could do.
Laura says
Lauren, can’t believe you guys made a decision and then this happened. You know, I’m with Annie, maybe it’s an opportunity to reconsider not using your eggs. If you have the money & sanity to try a cycle w your own, do it while u wait for the donor. I’m here for u. I’m in my 6th cycle, trying hard and painfully to be a mommy with my own eggs. This is going to be our last, at least we have a healthy blast after all this time, but isn’t a guarantee that it will happen for us. Take your time & maybe it was meant to be this way, I hate to sound like this but u never know if this period is a moment to think all over again & give yourself one chance. Whatever you decide I’ll follow & support you. You’re an inspiration for me. Xxx
Annie says
Oh Lauren, I am so sorry :( This is just completely unfair. The donor really did sound perfect for you. Have you completely ruled out the possibility of giving your own eggs a try first? I don’t know, but maybe this could be an opportunity for you to try that route. Then if it didn’t work out, you could go with the donor in the spring. I don’t mean to suggest that flippantly like it would be no big deal to try your own eggs first. I know it would be a huge financial and emotional investment. It’s just that I remember you writing about the debate between your head and your heart on this one, and that your heart still wanted to give your own eggs a shot with genetic screening and ICSI. Whatever you decide, I am here to cheer you on. Hugs, thinking of you.
Emily says
Oh my god Lauren no!! I was halfway through writing how happy I was that you’d finally found your perfect donor, then this came through. Im gobsmacked :-( You must be in bits. For what its worth, im sending you the biggest, tightest cuddle in the world. Hang on in there, you’re stronger than you think you are xxx