“My Perfect Donor” was matched over the weekend to another couple who doesn’t want to share her cycle with us, even though that would mean they would share the hefty fees with us.
Ok, maybe there are plenty of reasons why they wouldn’t want to share, but I am too upset to speculate. Their reasons are irrelevant.
If I had come to my place of peace on Friday, maybe we would be the ones set to cycle with her in January.
The Egg Donor Coordinator has promised us that we have first dibs on her for next time. However, that is contingent on 1) her January cycle being a success, and 2) her desire to do it again. If so, her fee will increase to $7,000 and we would start cycling in March-ish. That feels like forever, after the horrific year I’ve had.
In the meantime, the Egg Donor Coordinator has promised to forward her genetic profile and psychological assessment when they become available.
Trying to stay positive, but I am so disappointed. How much lower to I have to set the bar? I miscarried my first child, have few eggs, and am a mutant freak of nature. I finally found a donor who I’m at peace with and miss her by one or two days? What the fuck?
I’m in floods of tears, shaking my fist, yet again, at god / the universe / whatever the fuck it is that seems to enjoy punishing me by taking away my hope and dangling what I want just out of reach.