M., a mindfulness-based therapist I know, recently gave me a two-sided rubber bracelet that says self-compassion it inside and out. The idea is that you put it on as a white bracelet, and when you do something nice for yourself, you turn it inside out so the red side shows. Sad to say, most days I wear a white bracelet….
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Dilemma
At the event I was at on Mother’s Day, I struck up a conversation with a 5-month-pregnant woman around my age. I liked her leather Indian shoes — they reminded me of the red sequinned kind I wore on my wedding day — and wanted to know where she’d got them. We chatted as we waited in line for our…
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Butterfly
Vivir con miedo es como vivir en medias ~ Spanish Proverb I’ve been conquering some fears recently — or trying to. On May 5th, I attended Wings of Hope in Escondido. Organised by the Center for Compassionate Care of the Elizabeth Hospice (which also hosts the EmptyCradle.org meetings I’ve attended), Wings of Hope was a butterfly release event to pay…
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Deep Sea Diving
Mother’s Day
Today is Mother’s Day in the US and it’s halfway over. I’ve never much cared for it, my own mother never having wanted to celebrate it, but this year takes on a greater significance for me. For the past few days I’ve been asked more times than usual if I have children. I say no, sadly and abruptly. It’s a…
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Darkness and Light
Years ago, one of my high school teachers stated that people don’t create art when they’re happy. “When people are happy,” he explained, “they’re out enjoying life — hence the stereotype of the tortured artist.” I feel the same is true of me: when I have better days, I am too busy enjoying life to blog. Sure, there are quiet…
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Memories: Another Love, Another Loss
I am told that today is Throwback Thursday in the blogosphere, so I’ve adapted a blog post I wrote for my other blog. It’s a post I wrote a couple of years ago to mark the twentieth anniversary of my great-grandmother’s death. ♥ Nanny, as she was known, was the beloved matriarch of the family: kind, loving, generous — but…
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My Dad’s Wisdom
I knew [your miscarriage/grief] would not be straightforward. These things, when they occur (and they ALWAYS occur unexpectedly), strike deeper than we imagine. Once the “practical” side of the tragedy has played itself out, one is left with one’s Imagination. That faculty that allows us to trawl through our feelings and reactions and to dredge up every possible scenario with…
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I Am Still Standing
Me, a moment ago: wearing my Jizo pendant; hugging my Mizuko Kuyo Peace Lily; that is being nourished by my bean, honoured by an old plumeria flower, guarded by Guatemalan dolls hugging each other in a blue pouch, and watched over by Jizo in the form of a painted beach pebble. I am sad, angry, heartbroken, in disrepair, in disbelief,…
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International Bereaved Mothers Day
Today is International Bereaved Mothers Day, which brings together the community of women who have lost a pregnancy. Use hashtag #iamstillstanding to participate, share your story, or remember your tiny one ♥ This is what I posted on Facebook a few minutes ago. As I began to type, I felt uncomfortable with the referring to myself as a ‘mother’. Many…
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